Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
