If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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