I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
