literally had 100 drinks last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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