Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
