I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize