Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
