she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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