I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
