If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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