if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
