it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
