the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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