I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
