It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
