So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
