so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
