he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize