she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
