Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
