so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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