seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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