she was so not down for the gang bang
your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
