Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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