It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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