Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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