I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
