he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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