i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
