you guys were way drunker than both of me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
