yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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