I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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