i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
