Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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