i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
