but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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