I wish I could teleport
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
