I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
