u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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