my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
