my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
