i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
