winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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