Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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