sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
