Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
