Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize