I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
