You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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