Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
