Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
