All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
