Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
