I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Text me some of your sweat
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
