I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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