i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
