she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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