I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
