Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
