i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
