I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
then he tried to convert me to islam
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dick very happy bro
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
