can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
