Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
