okay pat passed out under dana's car
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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