he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
