I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
