remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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