like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
