My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
