I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
