We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
