Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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