I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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