I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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