Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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