when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
