How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize