we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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